The Days of Job Hunting

The days of job hunting are finally over.  At least for right now!  Let's just say, it's been a while since I've posted and a lot has happened in my life.  Shall we go through it all in list form?  I believe we shall.

The Awkward Girl's List of Fall and End of Summer Mishaps and New Things
(...or something like that.)

1) I now have a job at Blue Cross Blue Shield (rejoice!) which I start December 10th.

2) I have now written 100 pages of my story.

3) I'm interested in a new guy. (Maybe? It's all in potential mode since he actually would need to make a few moves.)

4) I'm beginning my search for an apartment.

5) My computer was "sick" but now it lives again! (It needed a new input)

6) My room is almost clean.

7) I might run in a race in the spring.

8) I am still very poor, if not poorer.

9) I have finally become a member of my church I've been attending for a year now.

And I am sure there are more things going on in my life.  But for now, it is bedtime.  Cheers, darlings!

~E. M. Peterson

The Complicated Life after the Long Silence

So it has, admittedly, been quite some time since I've updated my blog.  Well, allow me to go make myself a cup of tea, settling in for a tiche, and tell you all about it.  Then I really do need to go work out (I've been a bit lax on it and I'm starting to notice certain flub creeping back in).  So where do I start?

First, I got a reply from a job recruiter for two jobs a company might be interested in me pursuing.  Except, I haven't heard back.  So now, do I awkwardly email back asking if they are still interested?  Or do I wait? I go with the waiting.

Second, I got issues with a co-worker at work.  If you haven't dealt with someone who says they are head over heels in love with you, let me tell you: it is uncomfortable.  So, I decided way back that I was going to take a vacation.  And I did.  But before I left, I texted this employee and told him I had no feelings for him like that and that I was sorry but I had to clear things up before I left for my retreat.

I left for a small town in Minnesota.  And let me tell you, it was wonderful.  I relaxed, I had fun, I had good thoughts, and I learned a lot about myself and who I was as a person.  So I drove back home and decided I was going to be a happier person.  Mind you, I am keeping to it still!  That's how amazing that small retreat was for me.  But I am definitely being tested.

So back to the story.  I got home and after relaxing and smiling I went to bed right away.  I was exhausted but in the good kind of way.  But then I woke up. . .and BAM!  Life was coming back for me.  Reality was sinking it's teeth into my arm and telling me, "Try smiling now, bwahaha!"  So.  I cringed as I looked at the three page long text message from this work friend pretty much confessing everything. I decided I wasn't going to deal with it right at that moment and went on with my day.  Well that lead to a moping co-worker and let me tell you, the children don't do well with moping boys.

So I have had to deal with issue for about a week but according to my other co-worker, this has been going on for two (I just wasn't there to witness last week).  Anyways, it ended up with his awkward text messages, crying in the parking lot (him not me), and then him suddenly getting super happy when he asks if we can talk about what happened (I think he thinks we are going on a date.  We aren't).  So now I get to clarify that this weekend.  I should be a big girl and do it in person but this is getting far to uncomfortable.  Plus, I brought it up to my parents, and they don't feel comfortable with me meeting him at all.

But right now, I am happy and enjoying my Saturday.  I'm going to go have lunch with a mate and then I'm just going to go from there.  Whatever happens, happens :)

Wish you all the same!

Cheers

~E. M. Peterson

Over-thinking during "that time"

So, I admit I have a problem during "my time" of the month.  Probably TMI for any guys out there that actually read this, but I feel like I just need to discuss it.  Well, I don't need to . . .  but I will.  My problem is simple: I over-analyse EVERYTHING.  This is just my normal "What is he thinking?" sort of thing.  This is the "What does that mean?" "Why did she do that?" "Am I doing something wrong?" "What does this mean?" "Did he mean to do that?" "Will I ever achieve my dreams?"  etc. etc.

So what is the best method for trying to wash this stuff away? Tell myself:

Reframe.
And then sleep.

~E. M. Peterson

Those Moments

When I realize I could have slept in, could have gone to the gym, and could have cooked something a bit more exciting.  But I didn't which is a bit of a waste.  I was originally scheduled for 10:00AM but got bumped to 11:00AM.  But I wanted to get up to let out my friend's dogs and then I figured I was too late to workout since I slept in a bit already.  Although, I did shower since I wasn't loving my hair this morning.  So at least I'm clean!  But now I'm out of time to do anything more than just simply go to work.  Woo.  Alright, let's get this day rolling.

~E. M. Peterson

That moment you realize you need to pack some clothes

Whoops!  I start house-sitting this evening for my best friend and her family and I haven't even picked out clothes to go with me yet, much less hygiene things.  But that's ok! I have a break at 1 and I'll start then.  And then I can head over straight from work to let her dogs out.  But I suppose I should start putting together a small bag of essentials.  Starting with my clothes for tomorrow.  And PJs.  Oi.  This is what we call "procrastination at its finest".  But to be fair I live two, maybe three blocks away.  If I'm really missing something, I can pop back home.  But on this plus side, I got my new perfume last night!  I didn't think it was coming until Monday, and I didn't see anything in the mail yesterday but it came!  So I can bring that over in my little bag of things.  Alright, better be off and packing.  Cheers!

~E. M. Peterson

The Awkward Coffee Encounter

So,as you all should know, I am pretty newly single.  I say "pretty" because the break-up happen sometime around February, and I'm still struggling with it from day-to-day.  Some days are better than others.  Yesterday was such a day.  I was feeling particularly motivated. I was at Caribou, I was writing, I was in a dress, life was going my way!  So I got my Black Mango iced tear (delicious!), and I turn to go sit down.  Then I saw him.  He was a very good-looking tall man with dark hair and a nice start of a scruff.  To be fair, he looked a bit like my ex (clearly I have a type. . .).  So I sat next to him and started to work on my writing.  Well, after I finished my tea, my friend came to visit me after her shift finished up at work.  I pointed out the cutie at 3 o clock and she quickly agreed that he was quite the looker.  So we tried to come up with a plan to talk to him.  I figured, "Why not?"  I figure it's a step in the right direction anyways.  Even if it results in nothing, I can't say I tried and there is honestly nothing really lost in this battle.

So mysterious stranger gets up and goes to the bathroom.  The chance to strike, right?  Well, let's not forget I'm awkward girl to the nth degree.  I start stumbling to pack up my things and my friend runs for the napkins.  I quickly start to write down my number onto one of them.  The plan?  Toss it on his table and get to the street.  Problems with this plan?  I have a large laptop in my bag and there are quite a few people surround this scene.  So, of course, he finishes faster than usual and the plan is a failure.  I walk with my friend to the door and she encourages me to do it anyways.

"Guys like confidence and this will clearly show him that you are that kind of girl!" she points out.  This is a true point.  And there isn't really anything to lose. If he rejects me, it'll sting for a moment and then I'll move on.

So I go up to him and smile and hand him my number and say, "I just wanted to know I thought you were pretty cute."

He looks up at me and grins and say, "Thanks!"

I can feel my whole expression shift and my eyes snap.  Oh no.  This man is not swinging for my team.

I turn on my heels and dart out of there, dragging my friend into the street.

We had a good laugh about it, and it really does make a great story.  I'm sure I flattered the man, but wow I really to encompass the word, "awkward".  Looking back on it, I really should have waited to hear him voice before jumping the gun.  He may have looked like a very good-looking straight man but his voice would say otherwise.  It's a wonder that he didn't add the word, "Sweetie" to the end of the sentence.

Alright, I better go get breakfast.

~ E. M. Peterson

Rain in the Morning

I love to wake up to rain in the morning when I don't have to get up.  It is wonderful.  Yet at the same time, then I never want to get up.  But look! I did it!  So proud.  Now I just need to do other stuff.  Like clean this  half-mess of a room.  I have a walking path to things, there are just little scenic scatterings of papers off the the sides of them. Alright, it's 10:00.  I should probably start getting ready for the day.
List of things to do:
*Finish getting people's birthday's
*Go work out
*Go write at Caribou
*Clean Room
*Go visit my friend at her work
I think that should be enough for now.  Today is definitely going to be a relaxing day for me.  I want to go slow and steady.  I should also apply for another job.

*Apply for another job

There! Now I'm all set.  Let's go!

~E. M. Peterson

Calming down the Storm

So this week has been a roller coaster of who knows what.  Oi, I'm sure people are just about done with my dramatic mood swings and terrifyingly bad depression episodes (Note: I'm not clinically depressed, I just hit rock bottom pretty hard this week).  But I finally decided to use up some vacation time now.  So I've requested a few days off which should help immensely.  It's just depressing right now, you know?  I sit at meals with friends who are either going to amazing places or doing great things (even if they aren't 100% happy with it).  Meanwhile I sit there sipping on my water, for fear of ordering any real thing, trying not thing think about the facts that I: live with my parents, have another loan kicking off officially, still haven't found a new job, and keep getting rejections for my writing.  And of course, I'm single, which I'm still learning to deal with it.  And I'm practically having to take happiness-classes.  I'm following this wonderful blog called "The Happiness Project" and watching a lot of "The Conversation".  Luckily it is helping me focus once more on my goals in life, including becoming published.  And writing in general.
I feel like I should also apologize to anyone who actually reads my blog.  I haven't been very happy or comical lately but hopefully I can lighten things up a bit.  Anyways, it is late and I'm tired.  Tomorrow is a new day.

~E. M. Peterson

Start of a New Week

As I'm sitting here, typing away while staring at the collection of water on my window sill, I'm realizing I should probably get some breakfast.  And also that it is going to be super hot outside.  Goodie.  I do so love the humidity (insert sarcasm here).  This weekend was both a success and a lazy one.  I cleaned a bit, got a lot of writing done, but saw no one really.  Oi, time for work already. . .how did that happen?

~E. M. Peterson

Feels a bit like I'm a bit in over my head.

Focus

So I thought week of terrible adventures was over.  Apparently not!  It's almost as if life is trying to suck all my livelihood right out of me.  It drinks my milkshake. And I don't even like that movie!  So, this weekend is all about changes I need to make.  I need to find a new job.  I need to figure out my life.  I need to get organized.  So this Saturday I am home alone with no one to keep me company but my dog.  And now that I sound like the crazy dog lady, I'm going to go and clean some stuff up.  And do some writing.  Once my tea is done.

~E. M. Peterson

Babies

I'm so exhausted from this week and all I've done.  It's been rough.  I mean, roughest of the rough.  I had screaming babies, spit up on every single outfit, jobs rejecting me again and again, mother nature knocking, and my hormones driving me up the way.  I feel like I'm fighting against a wall of fire.  It's moments like these that I want to wave up to the sky and say, "Hey, big boss up there.  Whatcha doing?  Do I get a break anytime soon?"  Seriously.  One thing after another!  I mean I just called up my friend and almost had another breakdown.  I've had 5 mini-almost ones and 1 giant one.  I don't need to do this again.  I just want to sleep for the rest of the day, but I do have things to do.  I have jobs to apply for, rooms to clean, bills to pay, the works.  I should probably fit in some "me" time, but it's not easy.  I'll afford it once I can pay off one of my student loans.  Alright, I'm off to try and succeed in life.  Here's to holding on hope!

~E. M. Peterson

Oatmeal, Sushi, and Staring at the Mess of a Room

I love those awkward moments when someone asks me to read their things, and it's not my sort of cup of tea.  I love my friends and acquaintances but self-help books are more a last-resort kind of thing for me.  I think it comes from my stubborn side of "I don't need help! I may be drowning in 10 feet of quicksand, but I got this!"  So it's my own fault, really!  I don't want to seem snobbish, there are some fantastic self-help books.  I just tend to be that nerd chilling in the fiction or fantasy section yelling, "Stupid Sansa! This is why I never liked you!" (let's be real, Arya Stark is where it's at).  So now the question is, "What is my reaction?"

Option A:  "Oh man! This is the best! Order me up a copy!"

Option B: "That's great, I hope you write more of it."

Option C: "Not my cup of tea, but it's good from what you've shown me."

Option D: "I didn't really care for it, if you want my honest opinion."

Option E: ". . ."

Don't worry, I'm fabulous at thinking on my toes in those kinds of situations (cue sarcasm).  So I went with Option B.

I feel like such a horrible person for thinking such thing, but I know that's how people are with my writing as well!  Not everyone is going to jump on board to my, "Dragons are coming!" type stories.  Nor will people be sold on, "Why the heck is there a woman Watson?  Did you steal that?  That's dumb." (No I didn't steal it, I just couldn't get it published before CBS created their new series).  I guess when I'm on my break for work I can be a little miss chatty pants.  Maybe I should actually get to the point of what I titled this as. . .

Well, it's all really about food (minus the cleaning part.  That just isn't getting done again).  I'm trying to eat better and get into better shape.  My butt could really use it.  And for the most part it's going well but sometimes I just get sick of staring at oatmeal.  And eggs.  And I love eggs!  But there are days when I just need a big ol' sugary fat donut.  That's all I want!  But I am strong! I can do breakfast and snack pretty well. It's just lunch and rarely dinner that I hit a road block.  And dessert. . . chocolate is my drug.  Okay, I'd better attempt to pick up a few things with the 15 minutes I have left.  And I think my fish are giving me a, "Why haven't you cleaned our tank?!" look.  I'm a good owner. . .

Here is a picture of something I can be proud of!  I helped picked out this plant for Mom and it has bloomed!  At least my green thumb is still pretty good!

~Love E.M. Peterson

Money

Money is dumb.  In the sense that, I have none.  Or at least, that's how it seems.  I can't complain too much. Living at home helps quite a lot.  But bills suck.  And this is not my month for money issues! I love my friends  but this was their shopping month.  Don't get me wrong, I love shopping! And it is a great time to socialize.  But I'm watching my card being swiped and thinking, "Gah! Stupid car bill is coming up. . ." or "Oi! I probably should look for something discounted to the nth degree."  But it's 11:16PM.  I'm sleepy and my brain is quite foggy.  Plus tomorrow I get to go see my friend for dinner (once more spending money. . .) But at least it's at Panera.  Which is delicious.  And worth it.

~Love, E.M. Peterson

Boys

There should be an app for translating boy-speak.  And vis-versa for girls too I suppose. I admit, I'm not exactly the simplest of puzzles.  I tend to throw a few pieces and there, making it a bit of a scavenger hunt for men.  But at least I'm honest! And who doesn't like a scavenger hunt?  So if I have any guy readers (or any readers at all) feel free to chime in for what I'm doing wrong/right.
Here are a list of rules I've been told I should follow for guys from a guy.  My friend and I have been, admittedly, experimenting with this theory.

1) If you texted him last, wait at least 48 hours before texting him again.

2) If he gives you a two word answer, the conversation is finished unless, of course, it ends in a question.  Wait for the guy to say something next.  If he REALLY wants to continue to conversation, he will.

And overall, I suppose, that means I just need to be patient.  I've gotten a lot better at it but I'm still a wee shaking on that sort of thing.  Patience has never come easy to me.  But I am getting better.  It helps to work at a daycare where children tend to need to eat at the same time.

Alright, time to go eat something Mom made.  And then I should probably clean this room up.  It's a mess once more.

~E .M. Peterson

Drama Drama Drama (It's all in your head)

Ah! I'm finally home and I am happy.  I just need to relax and sleep.  And yet, I am so bored!  Welcome to my confusing life.  And thought process for that matter.  Anyways, wedding time.


So my cousin's wedding was absolutely beautiful and a lot of fun for the most part.  I got to see my family, I got to sweat outside (not nearly as bad as Friday though!), and I got to try and not cry when my grandpa's love letter got read.

Look at how beautiful my cousin is! (Hint: she the girl)  Not say that my cousin-in-law(?) isn't nice looking.  He's actually quite hilarious.  

Her colors were yellow and grey.

I loved it. So simple and elegant :)  

By far my favorite moment though was:

Cue little girl dumping the flower petals out all at once.  Best. Flower. Girl. Ever.

But, as I predicted, we couldn't pass on some awkward moments.  First off, let me prep you for how my emotions were at the time of the main 'incident'. 1) I was exhausted from traveling the night before and getting little sleep (Dad snores).  2) We went shopping earlier that day so I was tired of deal with people by midday.  3) I woke up a 7 AM to workout so I was even more tired.  4) I am at a wedding.  Of course I am thinking of how wonderful it is but I'm also thing about how very single I am.  5)  Practically everyone there was a couple.  

Fast forward!  People are drinking, people are smoking and dancing, etc.

My Uncle, who I do love, somehow misunderstood my Mom.  I guess my aunts and Mom were talking about who would be the next to get married.  SOMEHOW I got brought up.  And Mom said, "No, highly unlikely.  They broke up and are a bit up and down right now."  I think that translated into: "They did break up but they keep getting back together and breaking up".  Which is not the case.  So my Uncle is going to say goodbye and before he goes he says, "I heard you were the next one up!"  I was speechless.  "No, I'm pretty sure I'm not," I smile and replied. "No no! I don't think so! From what I've heard, you are next!" And then he laughed and walked away.  Awesome.  Then they start playing all the couple songs.  In a row.  Not cool, Mr. DJ.  Not cool. 

So overall, I did well. Then at the end I teetered on an emotional breakdown.  Fantastic.  

But now I'm home and exhausted. But at least it is sunny!  And cooler!  That's all that I have for right now.  I'm off to clean my room!

~E. M. Peterson

Weddings

So here I am getting ready for a wedding. By sitting around at home, waiting for my sister and Dad to return.  Oi, oi.  I'm pretty excited for this wedding, but I admit that it may be uncomfortable.  Most of my cousins have their significant others and three are pregnant. Not to mention the one cousin is getting married.  And then there is me.  I'm newly single (since February), and I'm not one to boast about it.  I was in love with my best friend, got my heartbroken after a year and a half of dating, and continue to be friends with him.  Yup, I'm that girl.  But my ex is a great guy and, like I said, my best friend.  No offense, but I don't want to lose that friendship.  So there I will be at the wedding!  Single and awkward.  Plus, I don't drink.  And all my cousins do (well minus the pregnant women).  So that's always a wonderful moment when they pout and poke fun at me.  I am not a wet blanket, though.  Don't worry.  I tease them back, and I still act goofy around them. 

Ah!  There is a car door!  Dad must be home.  Which means, it is time for me to head out for a long drive over to Wisconsin. I always think it's 6 hours but it's more like 4 or 5.  Trust me, that's more than enough time for putting my sister and I in close quarters.  We love each other, but its a car.  And we are two different people.  And we tend to like space.  


Oi.  Well, here we go! 


And now that I think about it, my Dad snores.  UGH.  YAY FAMILY TRIPS!

~E. M. Peterson

I am Awkward

I'm starting this blog by stating the obvious: I'm awkward.  To be honest, I've started this blog three different times, not know what to write. . .which in turn makes me even more awkward.  But I'm very much okay with that.  I've realized, throughout the years, that it's just who I am and it makes me unique.  Plus, it gives my friends plenty of laughs.  And truthfully, life itself is awkward.  Nothing happens perfectly.  No moment is precisely smooth.  So this is my blog to note all those days and situations!  This is for me but I also hope that it can be for other like me.  I'm going to try to keep it up and moving, but I can't promise anything.  So here's a little to get this started. I am:

• A 20-something girl
• A writer
• A college graduate
• A goofball
• A lover of music
• A lover of books
• An optimistic towards others
• And giggly person
• And, of course, awkward

There are other things, but I can get to those later.   

Cheers! <3  

~E. M. Peterson